3rd Rock from the Sun
s03e01 Fun with Dick and Janet (1)
Now, then, if anyone objects to this sacred union, speak now or forever hold your peace.
[Ominous organ chord plays.]
Sally: I object.
I think that's my arm.
Huh? Oh, sorry.
My family! You made it! I was afraid I was never going to see you again.
You look well.
You got some color.
Could have used you at the wheel, Dick.
Oh, but no.
You had to stay and marry that earth chick.
Yeah.
With tragic results for us.
I--I tried to contact you.
I tried everything.
I even built a transmitter, but then Ispilled grape soda on it and the whole thing shorted out.
However, I did manage to have a brief conversation with the captain of a shrimp boat.
So that's supposed to make it better? Oh, come on.
You got to go back to the home planet.
What's so bad about that? Oh, nothing.
Except when you pass too close to a quasar and this happens! Oh, my god! You've turned into a woman! Well, not everywhere.
As if showering in gym class wasn't traumatic enough.
Thank you very much.
I saw booty call on pay-per-view.
Don't try to cheer me up, Leon.
It won't work.
Is there something you'd like to talk about, Dr.
Solomon? Talk about? With you, Leon? Ha ha ha ha! Well, you know I am a psych major now.
You are? Well, then help me out.
I've made a horrible, horrible mistake, and I can't stop hating myself for making it.
Well, you know, Dr.
Solomon, a person should never be sad for the mistakes he's made.
Only for the mistakes he's about to make.
Leon, that's beautiful.
It also explains why you always seem so sad.
Thank you, Leon.
You've made it all so clear.
I've got to learn to let go, to move forward and focus on the thing that's most important in my life.
[Screeching.]
Me!
Let's not fight.
I miss you with all my heart.
I've come here every night hoping you'd returned but you never have.
And so I've come to a decision.
Sally, Harry, Tommy, I can't go on torturing myself anymore.
I have to move forward with my life, the life I've chosen with Mary.
I hope you understand.
And so good-bye.
Good-bye, Sally.
Good-bye, Tommy.
Good-bye, Harry.
Harry: good-Bye, Dick! It's almost as if I could hear you.
Harry, crying: it sure is! Harry! You're back! You're all back! Oh, I missed you all so much! Oh, Sally! Oh, Harry! Tommy! Ohh! A woman I've never seen before! Who's this?! The big giant head sent her.
Dick, I'd like you to meet your new wife! My wife?!
There's nothing to eat.
Well, that's good, 'cause there's no clean dishes.
God, this place is a pigsty.
Yeah, you better get on it.
Oh, thanks, Tommy.
That's a nice welcome ho-- Janet.
I love this room.
Oh, what's not to love? Did you know that this is where I do all of my cooking and cleaning? I mean, there is no greater honor for a woman.
Me, I can't get enough of it.
In fact, I'm gonna clean some dishes right now.
Ha ha ha! Oh, yeah! Oh, but I'm the wife.
Shouldn't I be able to do the dishes? No.
This is too much fun, Ok? Please! Ok, if you insist.
But I still get to do the floors! Whee! [Humming.]
No, no, no, no, no! I think the floors are my turf now.
Ok.
There is no way you're getting this job, sister.
But you're the wife.
Good-bye, kitchen.
I sure am gonna miss ya.
I'm gonna love you like nobody's loved you she's doing the kitchen.
Score!
Tv: are there aliens among us? Tonight local residents report seeing mysterious lights in the sky over the old Sweeney farm.
Whoa! That's the place where we landed! Ok, all right.
We have nothing to worry about.
Sally cleaned up the landing site.
You said you were gonna clean up the landing site.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I said I was going to clean up the landing site.
So you cleaned up the landing site.
No.
[Gasps.]
Aah! Oh, god! Hurry! Hurry! Hurry up! Get over there! Aah! Aah! Aah!
You know, Harry, there are some crackpots saying that this is the work of UFOs.
Hah.
As if there could be intelligent life out there.
What a load of hooey.
Hooey? Oh, yeah.
So much bunk, you can make a bed out of it.
Oh, it's bunk, is it? Any moron with half a brain knows that.
Half a brain.
I see.
Well, you know, Don, it's a big universe out there, and not just small big.
Big big.
Why, in the belletrix system alone there are over That's the biggest number I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah.
So don't you think on just one of those planets that there might be some species-- Smarter than you-- that would be capable of building a spaceship? Statistically, I suppose.
Maybe there is more to this than meets the eye.
Thank you, Harry.
No.
Thank you, Don.