3rd Rock from the Sun
s03e05 Scaredy Dick
Dr.
Solomon, the Dean's office called.
They say you never had your physical.
How can they say that? So you did take your physical? I did nothing of the sort.
Everyone who works here has to take one.
Oh.
I've scheduled you with Dr.
Howard for this afternoon.
Oh, well, Dr.
Howard is in for a treat.
I am a masterpiece, a perfect human being.
Not a strand of Dna out of place.
He'll probably want my organs to put on display.
Yeah, the sooner the better.
박사님.
솔로몬, 학장실에서 전화가 왔습니다.
그들은 당신이 신체검사를 받은 적이 없다고 말합니다.
어떻게 그렇게 말할 수 있죠? 그래서 신체검사를 하셨나요? 저는 그런 일은 전혀 하지 않았습니다.
여기서 일하는 사람들은 모두 하나씩 가져가야 합니다.
오호.
박사님과 약속을 잡았습니다.
오늘 오후의 하워드입니다.
오, 그럼, 닥터.
하워드는 한턱낼 겁니다.
나는 걸작이고, 완벽한 인간입니다.
DNA 한 가닥도 어긋나지 않습니다.
그는 아마 내 장기들이 전시되기를 원할 것입니다.
네, 빠르면 빠를수록 좋습니다.
Dr.
Solomon, if you don't get your physical, they're gonna hold your paychecks until you do.
Oh, oh, Nina.
Of course, I'll go.
I'm looking forward to it.
That's better.
Come with me, Nina.
Please! I can't face the doctor alone.
What are you afraid of? Oh, I don't know.
Ever since I went there, I'm scared of everything.
Come with me, please! Me? Why don't you ask Dr.
Albright? Mary? Seeing me naked and vulnerable, quivering with fear? Oh, ho, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.
Well, why do I have to get the satisfaction?
We're going to Albright's.
Why? What for? It's Halloween, Harry.
And every little brat in Rutherford is hopped up higher than a kite on m&Ms.
And from what I hear, Albright's house is ground zero for destruction.
Oh, no, that sounds too dangerous.
You can count me out.
Good.
Stay here, Harry.
Alone.
All alone.
I don't care.
On Halloween.
Fright night.
When the dead become living and the living become dead! I don't care.
Hi, hi, hi.
Trick or treat.
Ohhh, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg.
Lovely costumes.
Very nice.
Thanks, dubie.
Oh, Harry, you're an alien.
I am not! I meanyes.
Care for some spinach, cap'n? Oh, sure.
I don't really have any spinach.
Well, then why did you get my hopes up? Have you seen Dr.
Albright? Well, what is she dressed like? Uh, Nancy kassebaum, the former republican senator from Kansas.
Uh, we haven't seen her.
Yeah, I would have noticed that.
Oh, there she is.
She's mingling with a skeleton.
Arrr, look who thinks he's scary.
Well, I be not a-feared of ye, you bag of bones.
Now unhand me former wench.
Hello, Dick.
Dr.
Howard? Shiver me timbers.
So, Dick.
Where are your buccaneers? Under my buccan-hat.
Dick, I heard you ran out of Dr.
Howard's office today.
That's not true.
It's my word against his.
Ahem.
It's Nina's and my word against his.
Ok, the way I see it, you put all the candy in the bowl you put the bowl out the door and you're through for the night.
What do you think of that, Tommy? Yeah, I like it, considering I just suggested it a minute ago.
Don't sass me, private.
[Doorbell rings.]
Trick or treat.
Oh, it's self-serve, honey.
[Doorbell rings.]
What? Trick or treat.
I just told-- hey, what happened to all the candy? The pope took it.
Nice plan, Tommy.
Don't you have anything else? Uh, yeah.
Give me a second.
So, uh how are things? Uh, pretty good.
All right.
Uh, here you go.
What is it? Half pound of hamburger meat.
Enjoy! Trick or treat.
Don't bother.
Alls they got left is beef.
Ugh! Hey! That better not have been the pope! That's it! You're toast, pontiff.
Who you gonna call, Dick? Ghostbusters.
Are you crazy? It's their busiest night of the year.
Give me your flashlight.
Ok, here's the deal.
The ghost gets the basement, the apartment, and the rambler, and we keep the closet.
That seems fair.
We can spruce up the place with some yellow slickers.
I don't know what's the matter with me.
I want to be brave but I'm too afraid.
Dick, in order to be brave, you must first start by being afraid.
For true courage lies in the overcoming of fear, not in its absence.
That's brilliant, Harry.
Who said that? Blue power ranger.
What did you do to the Bernstein boy? We worked him over.
He gave it up.
The perp is wally Taylor.
All right.
Come on, Tommy.
We're through here.
Uh, there are no eggs on the outside of my house.
They're all in here.
Thank you so much.
Ah, don't thank us.
Just doing our job, ma'am.
Aah! Duck! What? Oh, my god! So it wasn't the pope.
It was batman all along.
You know, in a way, every day is Halloween for us.
You mean because we hide behind these bodies, pretending to be something we're not? Uh, yeah.
So, Tommy, what's with the mustache? Well, guys, I've made a little decision.
The mustache stays.
Oh, that's muy macho.
You know what I've learned this Halloween? That you should always be brave enough to face your fears.
Because when you do, it's only Mrs.
Dubcek stuck behind a wall.
Always? Always.
Ok, so I know it was Dubcek who was screaming, but did you ever figure out who was rattling those chains? Oh, yes.
That's the ghost of Mr.
Ferguson.
Dubcek says he was brutally murdered in our apartment this very night.
Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=3rd-rock-from-the-sun&episode=s03e05